Chilean dreams & Russian screams

paper number two? check.

I am about to engage in some mid afternoon napping, but before I do, I felt like writing, I guess just for myself.

So I had a total of 1 hour of sleep tonight, but it's completely my fault. I pulled the infamous all-nighter to finish my paper on The Cold War. It was a pretty pathetic paper, mostly due to the fact that there was a 5-page limit, which ultimately limited what I could discuss, but also obviously because I am lazy and lethargic. Actually, I am extremely interested in the topic...perhaps too interested?
Needless to say, I have a new appreciation for Russia as well as Eastern Europe as a whole. I am officially adding Russian to my (already heavy) list of languages I want to learn. I got to thinking (oh, no mel..again??!!) about my life and the way I am living it. Obviously there are many things I would like to change, reforms within my social and educational life, but overall I am so happy with how beautiful life is. I felt slightly spoiled the other day because I took a look around at my cute apartment, my wonderful laptop, my amazing collection of literature and the type of people I associate with. I quickly refrained though, because sometimes I forget how hard I worked for this pretty little life. I don't put myself on a pedestal but I will not downplay all my effort.

I don't like insinuations, whether good or bad. I don't like people writing obscure things about me or guys taking the passive approach to try to get to know me. I don't like directness either, though. It's weird, isn't it? I think I can't take direct hits but indirect hits hurt me more.
But I won't hurt anymore. I am that secure. I will continue to get down on my knees and pray to my one and only God.
Everyday my silly girl dreams seem to become more and more realistic and it somewhat freaks me out, but more than anything, it gives me a reason to live.
I have come to a devastating point where I cannot see myself as a mother or living back home.....which, I believe, is rather unfortunate because being a mother and inhabitance with loved ones are the most beautiful joys in life.

I got accepted to the Chile study abroad program, so my summer plans are set. There are still some technicalities, but I am so optimist y muy contenta de tener la oportunidad de vivir en otro continente, otro estilo de vida, otro mundo, basicamente

school is ending soon. It's a bittersweet thing.

I'm really sleepy, I think I'm going to go take my nap.

I'm really happy, I just bought three new books:
"Hungry For Memory: The Education of Richard Rodriguez" Richard Rodriguez
"The Future of an Illusion" Sigmund Freud
"Moses and Monotheism" Sigmund Freud

& I've been getting into reading Kierkegaard & existentialism again....I haven't since the 10th grade...

what oxymorons are presented in this post mel! praying to God & then reading Freud & Kierkegaard??

yeah, that's me....welcome to my world.

today?
a certain Russian singer

-melidee