Every once in a while, I do an incredibly stupid thing. Today, I decided to look at murder/prostitute/poverty photographs from El Salvador right before bed. Although they are quite telling and completely necessary for me to have seen, I wish I would have known how explicit they were. Needless to say, it's almost 4 in the morning and I simply cannot go to sleep thinking about such gruesomeness.
During times like these, I wonder if I would really survive traveling by myself. I mean, okay so the actual traveling-the catching trains and buses, talking to people, asking for directions-that I can handle. What I've been wondering lately though is, what am I going to do when I'm on the bus and some creep sits next to me and tries to talk to me? What would I do if-NO-when they realize that I'm a 4'10" college graduate American tourist who is pretending to know what it's like to live in these countries? I mean, okay in Central America, I guess I could bust out my heavy Salvadoran colloquial Spanish (I've been practicing!) although my lack of curse words and my pronunciation of 's' will give me away quickly.
But seriously though, El Salvador has one of the highest murder rates in the world; what do I do when I see a gang member de la Mara Salvatrucha coming up to me? How am I supposed to act? I just read today that El Salvador's President-Elect Mauricio Funes (Yes! Sweet Victory for FMLN; new path for El Salvador!) suffered through the tragic death of his eldest son who studied photography in Paris. He was gunned down by a Moroccan man while cruising the Parisian night with friends. He was 27 years old, the son of a prominent Salvadoran journalist, completely unaffected by the poverty of his country (as obviously deduced by his status as a Salvadoran student studying abroad in Europe--something you really only see among the elite). The point is, he had his whole life ahead of him; his 'student' status took him to another place, he was living his life, devoted to travel. The irony is that he was not murdered in his own highly murderous homeland, but in PARIS a block from the Louvre! So I wonder, is my pride and my ambition to travel ALONE, worth the possibility of a similar fate?
For the most part, I am absolutely ready to say yes-I believe in the power of my G_d; the one of the Jews, the Christians and the Muslims. I know he would take care of me as long as I took care of myself too. On the other hand, though, I think about my family. What grievance would I cause them by selfishly leaving on such a risky journey just to satisfy my idealistic desires!
I honestly don't know. I am ready to buy my flight to Guatemala and ES for the summer, but now I wonder if I should just trade my travel dreams for a wimpy but relaxing vacation at fave American tourist spot Costa Rica? I mean, la pura vida no se oye mal, but really? Am I going to be that lame? We'll see!
In other news, I decided the best way to forget the gruesome pics from above was to throw myself into some good shallow fun. Thus, I headed on over to Myspace! (I did do a quick stint at the Chanel website, gosh the stuff does not excite me anymore--maybe it's because I've seen it on every skank ho and fashionably challenged girl on the block. What happened to classy? I think people assume they can add a Chanel anything and instantly be high-fashion, pfhhhh). Anyhow, I was on Myspace, checking up on my high school classmates and strained family members. I quickly realized something through looking at countless HS profiles; although I absolutely do not envy them nor their lifestyle (think club outfits, pregnant people, pretentious labels, lots of drugs and alcohol, oh and tattoos-they've all seem to have gotten tattoos, ugh) what I DO admire and miss about them and Los Angeles in general is the beauty and attitudes.
I honestly don't know how to explain this without sounding a bit mean, but people back home are just much more stylish and well-kept. Not everyone of course, but really, there is this huge distinction between how pretty this girl Jessica I knew from my Spanish class is compared to all the prettiest sorority girls around are. I guess they are just completely different. but still. Girls here lack style. I suspect they think they can go to Express or J Crew, maybe Nordstrom, oh and can't forget Juicy ugh and buy all the stuff and instantly look stylish. Fashionable? maybe. Stylish, no. [p.s. I'm already counting all the denim skirts and rainbow sandals I see around campus!] I honestly find more style in all the Hypebeat bay area girls who aren't scared to take risks (I applaud all two of you I've seen!) Oh and the pretentious hipster girls around campus? Of course they're stylish. It's all becoming monotone though. God if I see another American Apparel cardigan over a ridiculously cute dress with a belt, leggings, and one of those dangling beanies I might die. Duh, I do the dress cardigan thing all the time. I can't help it, I'm a sucker for cute dresses!
Anyhow, my problem isn't necessarily that people do these things, like really who cares? Everyone has the right to dress the way they want to despite others' opinion. My problem is with myself. Living here has taken a toll on my "Mom, it's always a fashion show!" Lo's wise words that I have taken on as a motto. I still adore style, I think of cute outfits and clothes in my head all the time (it's my second favorite daydream after international politics & traveling); sometimes I even go as far ahead as sketching (and I cannot sketch for the life of me) just so I'll remember. It sucks though because you know that feeling when you walk into a room and are ridiculously overdressed? Well, I've felt that way at work for the past year. Everyone at work always tells me I'm adorable, but never fail to mention that I always look like I dress up so much which I think is ridiculous! Seriously, all I've done is mastered the simple tank, skinny jeans, cardigan, flats and scarf combo--which I absolutely love but anyone can do in their sleep. Half of the time I'll trade the simple tank and skinnies for a cute dress, but that's about as far as it goes. Oh, in the winter I do the sheer or opaque tights (depends on my mood) under shorts combined with boots and the peacoat, musn't forget the peacoat. Okay enough of that, but you know what I mean?
I look at these girls Myspace pages and they just look incredibly adorable and dope; they know the difference between fashion and style. OH and their make-up and hair, don't EVEN get me started; they all look flawless. I miss that, I miss seeing that unattainable beauty that we used to see in high school cause if we don't have anything to look up to, then we all end up in nasty sweats and college buns (as in the infamous hairdo, the really high messy bun).
I can honestly say that I've only really met one person in college who really gets it. Freshman year, I met this girl named Ely and we kinda instantly liked each other cause we were interested in the same things; We had like a million hour lunch one day (probably the only time we've ever really hung out) and we had the most amazing conversation about everything I just wrote about. This whole fashion vs. style thing, she totally got it. She was so into following her own vision rather than just what was totally in. (I remember her telling me she made her own prom dress and constantly digs through her grandma's stuff for new accessories) That's what it's about, you know? Not the digging through grandma's just cause every magazine now tells you to do it, but really digging through it because you love the pieces; you are interested in how she wore them back in her day and willing to make use of them in your own style.
I guess I'm going to check Myspace more often; I need to be reminded about the fun things in life too. My desktop pic has switched from my Arabic script to an amazingly beautiful and telling picture of Zoe Kravitz at a hipster party drinking (hello underage) what seems to be a lemon drop or some other drink, wearing a leather jacket with her greasy messy cute hair and the must hipster headband. She looks unhappy and annoyed with Mark (yes the Cobrasnake) taking her picture. Most hipsters kill to have their picture taken by him, but her--she's under the spotlight all the time; she graced the pages of Teen Vogue some 4 odd years back if my memory serves me correct. She is given anything she wants because her father is Lenny Kravitz and her mother is Lisa Bonet (seriously, could a couple with that much hotness even exist?). She is not fazed by all the attention and the beauty references. Maybe that's the reason behind why she chopped off all her hair? I don't know what it is, but this picture makes me so incredibly happy and sad at the same time. PS, she is totally dating Ben Foster, gosh I miss my little nerd from 'Flash Forward'. Absolutely great couple.
Okay, enough shallow fun for today. It's 5am and I have to be at work in a couple of hours.
This was good though, I needed some shallow blogging. I've been thinking too much lately. Although technically, all that's above could be made into one giant societal analysis or political discussion, but I'll leave that till next time. I gotta go catch some Zzzzzz before my full day of work followed by lounging around the grassy knoll at the quad sippin' on some fruit smoothies and rum-infested lemonade. I think I'll wear my pretentious tan hipster wedge flats. Or something♥
Honestly, Silvio Rodriguez and Girl Talk's "Feed the Animals" is ALL I listen to.
But I'm feeling Jay-Z's "Roc Boys (And the Winner Is...)"
-melidee
