part of Ernst Ludwig Kirchner's series of Berlin Street SceneVia "Street Walkers" in Art Blog by Bob
Hello,
I'm back and hopefully for good this time. Every time I look at the date stamp on the last blog post, I die a bit inside. One of my biggest pet peeves in "the blog world" is when people take such a drastic leave of absence. Although I highly doubt I have a huge following, I am very touched when people ask me why I haven't updated my blog in so long. The truth is that there is no particular reason but rather a sort of aggregate events of this existentialist trip I'm going through. I am currently finishing my last couple of months as an undergraduate student. I really will not exhaust you with all the cliche details as there are innumerable posts by college students in the similar situation. I still don't know what I will be doing after college. I am curious about what others in my shoes will be doing, I guess you can track my post-college life here, I promise I will try to update as much as possible, if only a silly Twitter-like update or a song of the day.
So, to summarize the last seven months:
I did make it to El Salvador and it was quite the experience. "Life-changing" I believe is what I called it for a while. True, it was extremely life changing. Like any other young privileged Westerner who steps foot in "the Third World" (the quotations used are actually a HUGE part of the reason I have been absent, more on that later) I have learned to appreciate & count my blessings even more than ever. I'd like to argue that my experience was even more impacting because 1) This is what I study. I study development in the developing world through the multidisciplinary program of International Relations. I could go into pretentious jargon as to why that was an extremely important aspect to my trip, but suffice to say that it was. The training that I have had for the past four years makes the difference between someone stepping foot in a pueblito looking at the more superficial consequences that are poverty, poor health and infrastructure, high inequality, etc and feeling that tug in the heart with the temporary need to "help" versus someone who goes in and understands that these superficial realities are part of a systematic machine that goes way beyond politics, economics, human rights and all those often-cited (and rightfully so) causes. The mere fact that most of us are guilty of utilizing the socially constructed term "Third World" to facilitate the generalization of these nations that are different (and obviously less fortunate) than us is what's wrong. The problem, at it's core (at least for me), is "othering", plain and simple. I will leave the explanation to anthropologists and their heavy (but so interesting and essential) articles but it is quite an obvious notion and yet we all seem to downplay it (arguably because it is so deeply ingrained within our socialization and culture that we rarely notice it) however, I am appalled by the people to my surroundings about, oh, 99.9999% of the time. I spend a lot of time alone so, yes, I am including myself in "people". I'm trying to make a conscious effort to live a good life. I know I will never be able to change the world, however, just being able to share these thoughts and ideas with my younger brother and sister in order for them to be conscious citizens of this world is good enough for me. Well, that and being an expatriate as soon as possible :)
I'm sure I have lost many of you by now because this stuff is basic and uninteresting, but I will quickly move on to the second reason 2) I have a personal connection with El Salvador which is not often the case for many development workers or tourists (arguably, this is a good thing). When I saw what we consider to be people living in extreme poverty, I had the natural heart tugging and I am guilty of shedding many tears during my stay. However, the worst part was that this was my family, direct family. I sat with dying uncles, hard-working great aunts, cousins full of potential and no opportunities, and overall desperation. At first, I felt bad for "them" but after about a couple of hours, I had never felt happier in my entire life. They were all so happy and content with what the good Lord has provided for them. We can get into SO many things that are wrong with the previous statements. There are religious, societal, economic and oppressive factors that go into instructing these people to "feel content", to settle and accept their fate but for now l'd like to present an alternative view, not as a counterargument but as a compliment to our views as educated individuals. Those two weeks (and the subsequent anthropology of development class I took) made me realize how, along with how ethnocentric we are, we are so extremely convinced that our way of life should be what everyone else needs. Duh, we all know this, but do we really? Take a statement from my cousin's 26-year-old wife Sarita made while she as washing her baby's cotton diapers: "I hear you guys have machines where you just throw in your clothes and soap to wash them! Ugh that's disgusting, I would never trust a machine to wash my clothes as well as I do! I would never!" Your first reaction (as was mine) is 'well, obviously she has never had a washing machine, they are amazing and very time efficient!' Obviously to us, we so factually attribute the washing machine as the obvious better method if you have access to one. Thus, for us, the answer is to introduce the washing machine to these women and show them that they, indeed, are the better choice. I mean, all the time they save by not having to do laundry by hand could be efficiently allocated to another, more productive, task and consequently maximize their income, utility, marginal returns, etc. But why? So they can have this sad, selfish, consumptive fast-paced culture based on time equals money mentality? That would be truly sad; Think about it, why do people romanticize Europe, Latin America and all the other exotic/cultural tourist destinations? Essentially, to get away from this fast-paced lifestyle. Are all of you familiar with the concept of a siesta? I absolutely believe that if we, as a society, were to institutionalize a siesta-like concepts we would fix so many of our 'societal problems'. As humans, we can only go so far and can only take so much. Seriously, this is all painfully obvious and I could really write an entire book on the subject but I felt compelled to share a bit of my trip. I'll also post this link to my Facebook photo album so you can have a visual of it.
The second reason I been away for a while is because once I was back from my trip, I took an anthropology of development course with a wonderful lecturer who pretty much changed my entire life for the worse or for the better, depends on how you look at it. The class, based on deconstructing the development field in the most intricate form, basically shook everyone's foundation and made us take a difficult and painful look at the reality of the, often corrupt, field. Our amazing lecturer presented us with the rich anthropology literature, personal experience and deep discussion for the entire quarter. I have never been so impacted by a class in my entire life and if I could begin to explain all I've learned, it would already be too much. However, I hope to sprinkle some of the concepts and influences from the class in my blog from now on. I hope to become a better citizen of this world. I always believed that I already was because I care so much about this world. I study what I do because I want to dedicate my life to helping others less fortunate but that right there, "othering" is a problem within itself. By "othering" others into a "Third World" we are continually perpetuating the existence of said world. I am not saying that if we all stop calling these "Less Developed Countries" "Third World" that all their problems will go away, but I guess I am slightly hinting at it. The perpetuity of words is powerful and we subconsciously feel like the citizens of these worlds (wtf, we are one world!) are alien and almost subhuman. Thus, although for the longest time I was solid sure that I wanted to go into the development field, now I am questioning whether or not that is the right approach. By going into the development field, especially the way it structured right now, I am helping the discourse that states these people are too dumb to dig themselves out of their dire situations when in reality, we helped establish the order. I suppose many of you would disagree but really, if we were just a bit more empathetic (you know, the whole 'put yourself in others' shoes' cliche) our world would not be in the state it is. What I mean is this: Guatemalan singer/songwriter Ricardo Arjona uses this analogy to make the point: A woman is having dinner with her friend and the friend asks the woman, how is your son doing? The woman replies: Oh terrible! He has a horrible heartless wife who makes him work all day so she can go shopping, take vacations. He bought her a new car, a huge house, and basically works like a dog to spoil her! She is terrible and inconsiderate! My poor son suffers so much because of her! The friend then asks, how is your daughter doing? The woman replies: Oh my gosh, she is wonderful! She has a hard-working husband who takes such good care of her. He takes her on vacations, he lets her go shopping all the time. He bought her a new car, a beautiful huge house and they are basically living a wonderful life! He is a wonderful son in law! Do you see it? Why are we like this? Why do we only see what we want?; we only see the good and bad when it benefits us. Our view of "the Third World" is entirely the same way. Again, I could go on but there is no real point right now. I'll sprinkle these thoughts in my posts from here on out but I do hope I make sense.
Anyway, beside all of that, nothing else of much interest has occurred. I'm just finishing up my last quarter (while suffering from a major case of senioritis), working (more like training the new girl) and am in my third week of practicing Bikram Yoga and am absolutely loving it. I have been wanting to do it since freshman year when my friend Evelyn invited me but I have not had time nor money to spare; I suppose I still don't but I realized that it was now or never so I jumped on! Although I have not necessarily lost any weight, I feel incredible. It has been one of the best choices I have made in a long while.
Lastly, I have many random thoughts in my head but I'll share this one: Ramesh from Voxtrot is pretty much keeping me sane (or making me insane, again depending on how you view it). You see, I've loved Voxtrot for a very long time (in fact, if you look back at May or June 2007 blogs or earlier actually you will see me discussing their music and post pictures of when I met them!) but for the past month I've had a ridiculous obsession where literally all I can listen to is Voxtrot. Additionally, if you have been a follower of my blog, you will note that I have linked Ramesh' s blog (which he hasn't updated in forever, boooo!) on Mis Favoritos for about 3 1/2 years. I've always thought he was an interesting person but lately it has grown into something I cannot explain. I've reread three years worth of his blog about 5 times and I understand what he writes all too well. He has literally been my source of "train station glance" for the past month. Anyway, after about two weeks of nonstop listening to them, I decided to see if they had any new stuff and I was pleased to find that they released two new songs. When I saw the title to the first song, I nearly collapsed. Okay, side story that eventually ties in: you all pretty much know I have an obsession with Latin America and the Middle East. Europe has never really caught my attention because I feel like it's overrated, eeeeeeeeveryoneeeeee wants to go to Europe. Anyway, my only exceptions have been the cities of Barcelona and Prague. Prague, in particular, has been a secret obsession I've had since I was in middle school because I noticed all my favorite models were from Prague and for The Prague Spring. Last quarter I was forced to take a Western Civilization course and it changed my entire perspective of Europe as a whole (for the better) and Germany in particular. I never really connected the dots as to how influential the Hapsburg Empire / Germany have been to my life. All the intellectuals I look up to and the philosophy, economic, sociological and political literature that I enthrall myself in are all original German texts. Obviously, I know all the rich history of Europe, but for some reason my view was clouded by the overrated romanticist version of it (and I hate when things are overly extolled, the reason I cannot stand Lady Gaga!). Anyway, the past couple of months I've been toying with the fantasy of moving to Berlin (I feel like the Berlin scene is exactly what I need at this particular point in my post-adolescence idealistic phase) and frequenting Prague and Warsaw. I mean, it is literally the most obvious, cliche and pretentious route I could take but it feels right. If any of you have suggestions as to how I can make this a reality, please message me! :) Anyway, back to Voxtrot. So I search for their new stuff and it just so happens that the new single is called "Berlin, Without Return". I knew that Ramesh was in Berlin because I frequent his blog, but for some reason this title says it all. The song is beautiful and the title of this post is a line from it*. I could blab on and on but, like I said, the title says it all. My mind is currently in Berlin.
I will be updating frequently, I promise but if I don't pleeeease pressure me!
Oh, I'll try to skim through this but I'm going to leave it mostly unedited because I really just want to post this already so forgive the major typos!
Voxtrot "Berlin, Without Return" and "Trouble"
-melidee
