"Watercolors, magnetic poetry, and a harmonica" *

 

 via

I just finished re-reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I feel like I really needed it. My introversion and constant introspection has been haunting me for the past 18 years (you know, around the time you're forced to socialize) and especially these past four years (particularly these post grad months where I'm expected prostitute myself network to find a job). Anyway, I've always felt so much love for Charlie but my love has grown even more so right now. I'm feeling better about life. Day 19 of rehab and I've finally had "The Breakthrough". I decided to take August off from everything (lets pretend these two Aug posts don't exist). Reality, fate and sick grandparents forced me to cancel my trip to Santo Domingo and my graduation present trip was canceled as well. As devastated as I was, I truly believe that the two virtues I've been lacking lately -patience and appreciation- are being tested and I am slowly (but surely) learning. So I sit here, watching my mommy live her life and daddy live his, my brother (who we've recently nicknamed Botwin because he's taken on a Shane-like appearance lately) blossom into a teenager and it all just seems to connect and feel real and happy and beautiful and all I can say is how truly blissful life is. I'm back to living a life full of instability and this is exactly what I've yearned for. I have college degree and about $40 to my name with no savings and no plans. I feel at peace.

"Incidentally", I'm making my brother read the novel this weekend. He'll soon begin middle school and I want him to go in with a good head on his shoulders. I'm sure he'll take it in as his own but I truly hope he loves it as much as I did when I read it years ago and as much as I loved it while I was rereading it today. 

Lastly, Bill and Charlie have given me the final push to face Ayn Rand once again. Since I began taking Economics courses, it's been my personal goal to read Atlas Shrugged when a Turkish macroeconomics professor challenged us suggested it. I failed the first time around (what college student has the spare time?) but I think it's time to try again. Maybe though, I'd like to start with The Fountainhead since I'd never considered it. I guess it's one of those pretentious type of things I have to get out of my system. I hope I can do it. Anyhow, off to my mandatory 3 mile run and yoga session at the park. You know that feeling Charlie describes where everything seems to be connected and you feel like you are part of the air? My evenings lately have been kind of like that. Mashallah.

The other day dad played "Moon Shadow" by Yusuf Islam Cat Stevens and I couldn't help but smile.
 

-melidee