I am at the library and I am trying to study for the two midterms I am taking tomorrow...
but two events have broken my heart like no other...
I am hurting...genuinely....
event 1:
I went to eat at the dining commons today and there is this lady..her name is Tony...she works in the cafeteria...she is amazing...she is sweet and kind and everyone loves her...she was angry at me when I pierced my lip and concerned for me when I was sick...in many ways she is my "davis mommy"...she keeps me grounded from going too crazy with liberty...I have come to love and appreciate her so much...
as Tiffany and I went to eat she came up to us at told us something unexpected and shocking...
"Honies I want to tell you something because I don't want you to hear it through the grapevine I want you to hear it directly from me."
immediately I thought that she was quitting and it made me sad...
now I wish that it was only that.....
" I might not be there tomorrow or some other days because I am going to be starting chemotherapy..."
my subconscious reaction was me grabbing her hand...that meant she had cancer....
I could not eat anymore...
this broke my heart because she is the sweetest woman I have ever met and she does not deserve anything like that...I gave her a big hug and told her that she was in my prayers...just then I realized how unfair the world really was...
event 2:
so I went about my day, class, library...then it was time for my sorority meeting...
I went in expecting to leave early. I needed to study at the library...but there were new girls and I decided to stay...part of me wishes I had not...
we discussed many things including May Day--I had already decided that I would not walk out or participate in any events. I want to lay low for a while...
I do not want to be targeted by the government right now, I really need to concentrate on getting my degree...I also do not want to offend my suite-mate tiff because she is republican and my roommate is a more toward republican beliefs as well. I am really respectful of their beliefs as I believe everyone should. I never speak of my political beliefs, and I really respect theirs....
so erika tells us about something that is going on in the quad tomorrow. DCR also known as Davis College Republicans are planning on playing "catch the immigrant"
which is a game where they are going to pretend to capture illegal immigrants trying to cross the border...
I am a STRONG believer of free speech and I love when the Republican party holds events because listening to those things only makes me more rounded and aware of what is going on in the world...but this...this is just a complete mockery...with absolutely no point but to humiliate us Latinos and other minorities on campus....
If there were an anti-immigrant conference, I would probably even attend because I like to hear the reasons, but I just cannot believe that they are doing something like this...it is sad, immature and humiliating...what scares me more is the reaction from the Latinos on campus...I am scared that they will react violently and we will be framed to look like bad people..we are not all like that....and it is so tragic that people stereotype....
I also want other minorities to realize that this includes them too. I know that many Asian and Middle-Eastern peers do not associate themselves as immigrants because people believe that it is only Latinos but this is everyone...and I hope that they do not feel that they are better...it is not about superiority..at all...I was born in the United States..both my parents came legally to this country and all my family is legal. However I have seen many illegal kids treated ridiculously and not just Latinos but I have had illegal Asian friends as well....
my belief about reform is this: if someone is in college or working an honest job and has no criminal record, they are making contribution to our country
...if there are immigrants who have any sort of criminal record they SHOULD BE DEPORTED, they have lost their chance...but if they have done nothing, they should be allowed to earn residency....
I fear for tomorrow...all I can do is pray that everything turns out okay and that no one gets hurt....
as I walked back to the library from the meeting I began to cry...
I cannot believe the world we live in...
I am so divided from who I am...
I am EXTREMELY proud of being Latina and of representing my people but at the same time I just do not want to be associated with the rowdy latinos that are looked down upon...
but I should stand up for who I am....
I have no idea what I want to do...
I just want to hide in my bed and pretend that everything is alright...
...but as fate would have it...I have two midterms tomorrow..and I need to study for them...and I have an interview for AGTV tomorrow at 3:30pm at the MU...exactly where the action will be..so I am forced to face it all..forced to choose between knowledge or ignorance....
as of right now...for one of the first times in a long time, I do not know what to believe in...and it is killing a little bit of me....the last of my childhood innocence is gone...completely vanished....
and I miss it.....
-melidee
update: so today was may day and such...I had a midterm at that time and consciously decided not to partake in the rally...I have my reasons, my beliefs, and with my background as a political activist, no one can say that I am a traitor to my people...I have done my share of marching all throughout my life....and I am extremely proud of it...today under other circumstances I was not there, but here is what happened:
Video Courtesy of UCD Law student/Lambda Theta Phi brother [and personal friend] Renzo Manay:
