my shangri-la beneath the summer moon, I will return again...MAYBE :P

mood: irritated

It seems to me that every time i thoroughly plan some sort of event or anything for that matter, I always get screwed over. I do believe in fate, however, when it is not to my convenience i seem to believe that the world is out to get me.

I am a Los Angeles native, born and raised. Because of it my childhood was the most amazing experience possible. I was 5 minutes away from downtown Los Angeles and 5 minutes away from Pasadena, two very opposite places and both of which influenced my upbringing. I am not ghetto per se and yet I am not completely preppy or 'white-washed' [though many of my high school peeps beg to differ]. I always figured that I was somewhere in the middle.

This goes back further than my location. Both my parents are El Salvador natives...both, thankfully, came legally to this country when they were teens in 80s...they are relatively young and this has both pros and cons.

The pros? young parents, we can relate more, they are chill, they are not a total embarrassment, they know how to have fun and all sorts of those things.

The cons? they are too young to be completely stable, therefore not a completely stable economic or social life, they know all the tricks in the book so you cannot get away with anything, and they, sometimes, are even cooler than you.

So my young parents dressed hip; they trade in old flannel shirts and ugly sweaters for cool leather jackets. They listen to hip music; they opt for Led Zeppelin and Mana instead of Los Tigres del Norte or Vicente Fernandez.

All of these experiences have shaped the person that I am today: my style comes from my parent's hipness. I am book smart & determined because of my parents and because I saw the people around me in L.A. and I knew that I did not want to be that way.

I am also streets smart. Now I'm not going to go claim that I hail from Compton and that I know my way around the hood, but my aunt lives in Compton and I used to go there every sunday for about 17 years, so yes, I know my way around the hood. Also, I am not going to claim that Highland Park is as ghetto or dangerous as South Central or Compton, but yes, there are gangs, it is a tad ghetto and it is not the safest place in the world...far from it..

Los Angeles is a tough place, it is also a beautiful place. In Los Angeles, if you are bored, all you need is 3 dollars for an MTA all-day pass and an open mind. Our transportation system is amazing, you can get anywhere and virtually any time. Suppose one summer day you are dying to go to the beach, all you do is take the gold line to Union Station, then catch the bus to Venice and go check out all the amazing street art, the shopping, the food, and then just a quick ride or even walk over is Santa Monica.
Or if you want to go to a cleaner nicer beach, you can take the Metrolink to Orange County. Hollywood is one 13-20 minute train ride from Union Station. Pasadena is a 10 minute train ride and Glendale a 20 minute bus ride.
The possibilities are ENDLESS. If I ever had a dull moment in my 18 years of living in Los Angeles, I only blame myself. There was never an excuse. I must admit that I had some wonderful times...even just getting lost in the crazy abyss of business suits and homeless people that is Downtown Los Angeles. From karaoke in Chinatowm to shopping and food in Pasadena, all of it...amazing...

now here comes why I am so irritated

Los Angeles is extremely expensive to live in. Unless you bought a house about 10 years ago, you are pretty screwed. Rent control only does so much. The prices of an apartment, or even worse a house, are ridiculous. To tell you the truth, they are expensive but somewhat manageable...what tips it over the edge into the unmanageable section are the conditions of the houses and apartments. The houses are falling apart and the apartments are disgusting. If you want a moderately nicer place, you must have a damn good job or come from money.

My family always made a good living..I was treated to a nice lifestyle....extremely comfortable...it was one day that I realized how lucky I was. I was talking to a friend and he asked me what my parents did, I told him that my father had a small business and that my mother was a housewife. He was appalled at the fact that my mother did not work. He asked me how we survived and how I managed to have the nice lifestyle. I figured that living in an apartment had something to do with it.

Later on in my junior year we began to get hit by the crazy inflation of Los Angeles. Our rent was going up every three months, however rent control kept it moderate. My father's business location was a different story. He had his business in Pasadena which is already expensive, and now with this inflation and no rent control, it was going up like crazy. My father did not want to relocate because all his wonderful customers were located in Pasadena.

Around the beginning of Junior year it became unbearable. There was no way that my father could continue paying our rent and know that it would never be ours. He made a decision then and there...we were going to buy a house in Pasadena...long journey short, the houses were ridiculously expensive and small, completely not worth it. My entrepreneur grandmother had just bought two houses in Palmdale, California, a developing city about 60 miles north of Los Angeles. The town was nice, but it was in the middle of the desert. My father loves Los Angeles more that I do [if at all possible], but he realized that the American Dream to be a homeowner would only be possible in Palmdale. After much debate, my parents took the executive decision to move. I did not want to leave my high school so I used the 'college' excuse and was allowed to finish my high school in L.A. My father would commute to his business in Pasadena and would drop me off on the way. We would get up at 4:00am every day and would get home at 10:00pm...I had no sleep, and I had to choose between spending time with my family or doing homework...I frequently chose family.

After about a year and half of commuting my father broke down. He couldn't take it anymore..he took a drastic decision--he closed his business..he knew that it would benefit my chances of receiving financial aid for college and that it was the overall wisest choice. He said a final goodbye to Pasadena and settled for a job in Palmdale. I however could not move schools during my final semester of high school. My parents decided to ask my aunt if I could live with her. She agreed, so for the next 4 months I slept in a couch and had no privacy whatsoever.

I did have fun those four months though, they were my final four in high school and final four in L.A. Since my aunt was not my mom, she let me go out whenever I wanted and I took advantage of L.A. like no other...it was amazing.

Now that I look back, I think to myself and contemplate my real reasons for staying in Los Angeles, and it all boils down to one word: friends. I went through one of the most traumatizing experiences while living at my aunt's house. I missed my parents like crazy and though in a sense it was worth it, I do not find logicality or rationality in my decision of staying.

It was until last summer that I had the opportunity, or rather obligation to live in Palmdale, CA. Though I was glad to be with my family, I spent the most boring summer of my life there. I went to visit my friends in L.A. quite frequently. During those visits, I took advantage of my wonderful city and had a magical summer. I did notice how my friends did not realize how lucky they are to live there, but I guess I was the same those 17 out of 18 years I lived there.

sidenote:
I guess that is why all those hipster/scenester kids move from Ohio or Wisconsin to L.A. Their pretentious attitude and crazy party ways sometimes makes it utterly conspicuous that they are not L.A. natives, however, props to them for taking advantage of the city as all of us should.


When I moved to northern california [or 'norcal' as it is known] for college, I came to find out the great division and conflict there is between 'norcal' and 'socal'. The differences between the norcal hyphy movement versus the 'surfer' 'hollywood glam' and 'gansta' scene of socal. This constant battle made me extremely prideful in "reppin socal-L.A. to be exact." This sense of pride altered my desire to be home and enjoy Los Angeles to the fullest.

Fast forward throughout the year, every time I would come home I would have an awesome adventure in L.A.

Now it is summer again and I am stuck in Palmdale.
Not only is it as boring as last time, but even more so.
Since living on my own I am having a hard time adjusting to life back home.
I love my sister but I cannot relate to her because she has her own life and I refuse to intrude in it.
So what to do? duh...go to L.A. with my friends right?
yeah...only it's not that easy..and no one seems to get that!!!!

so the whole point of my blog is this: [and if you have read the whole thing I love you with all my heart]

1)If I decide to go L.A. I have to make sure to have money: the train ride is $20 and takes 2 hours when in car it only takes 1. Then money for the buses over there and other random expenses...i know that sounds a tad hypocritical because I said earlier that you don't need money to have fun, but that is when you live there,cause they you can go home to eat, etc. When you visit, you need money for food and random trinkets.

2)I have to plan it out with my parents so they can see if it works out in everyone's schedule, just in case they have to go pick me up. Then I have to call all my friends to see if it is a good time for them cause I need a place to stay and I need to make my trip worthwhile--see everyone etc. It takes time and effort...and it is incredibly annoying especially because it always seems to be that I plan and at the last minute someone changes the plans and to them it is not a big deal because they live there, but for me it ruins everything and I spend the whole time trying to fix it.

3) getting to the metro station from my house is hell...I have no ride there and it is 108 degrees outside...so I have to walk 10 blocks to the stupid bus stop that is filled with shady people. keep in mind that I am carrying my purse and my baggage for my clothes. which reminds me...

4) I have to pack which is one of the things i hate the most. I need to think about all the possibilities and bring everything which means that i have to do laundry.

5)I usually cannot sleep the night before because I am so worried that the 'new' plans will not work out..and I usually straighten the fuzzball that is my hair.

6) once I'm on the metrolink, I am sitting by the weirdest people ever. Situations on the metrolink include, crazy chases between the boys who don't pay to get in and the security guard, and even deaths caused by the metrolink which delays my train.

7) once I arrive at Union Station I have to catch the gold line, which I usually miss and have to wait for--then get off and walk like three blocks in the hot sun to my bestie Jess's house...her rents always welcome me with open arms so it kinda makes me forget the hell I had just gone through..

8) once I get there I look horrible and stink...my hair is no longer straight, my face no longer has make up..etc etc..

..and then I have to put on a happy face because I just went through all of that to see my friends and be in L.A. so I cannot be mad...but once in a while I would like my friends to realize how much effort it takes for me to go..and I go because I love them so much and I need to see them..I just wish they would put as much effort into seeing me when I am home..the only person who has done so is Jess..she took the metro all by herself to come stay with me..I wish I could have shown her a better time, but I was so grateful and I hope she knows it...

so in a couple of hours I was supposed to be in L.A. and it was going to be amazing because my dad offered me a ride..the only condition was that I was going be there at 7am...but friends' change of plans had consequences and now I am left with no ride...I have to take the damn metro in the 108 degree weather and get there when the day is almost over...


i just hope this is all worth it because frankly at this point i would just rather stay in Palmdale with my mom.....

-melidee