...every once in a while it occurs to me that life is just a silly game. I have worked ridiculously hard to get to where I am at, and at these random instances, I wonder what it's all worth, because there is life and there is death. I, however, will not give the people who want to see me fall the satisfaction of my self-doubt. Thank God (and only him) that I always come back to earth, or rather, go back to heaven. This world makes no sense, obviously, but nonetheless, that is what keeps me going. Sure, I could really try to go through life and make it as simple as possible....most people do and I find it admirable, you know? To be able to ignore the troubles of others and just live life for the ones I truly care for? What I would give to just be able to be so blind, but I was not brought up that way. Personally, I believe that life should not be wasted. How, oh so very extravagant, melissa! Yeah, I know! Shut up.But fuck man! This life is way too complicated and simple and lovely and tragic and stupid! Not even God's words make sense in the literal "human reasoning" way. That's because that they're not supposed to or else what would be the point!?! I am no Bible belt product, and I, more than anyone else, believe in being assertive, independent, and rational but there are just some things that truly should not even be attempted to be explained! There are so much more worthwhile causes to try explain and fix. You know what, though? Never mind! The only thing that this will bring is people thinking that I am a narrow minded conservative blah blah....but have you really ever stopped to wonder? I bet that 99% of the kids I went to high school with associate themselves with the democratic liberal party....not that there is anything wrong with that (for I am truly liberal in many aspects as well) but the problem comes in when ignorant people associate things with the wrong ideas (i.e democratic party equals open-mindedness, but under whose terms and standards?! you see the hypocrisy?) Whatever...all I know is that if I were to ask 85% of the people around me about what is going on in the world today, they would have no idea what to respond...and it's fine I guess, just a tad disappointing.... I've sooooo gone off tangent!
my point is, no one is perfect, no one should be. No one should be able to know everything, no one should ever believe that they should even attempt to know everything. With that said, I believe that every once in a while there are these certain type of people, people that are just so mesmerizing, spellbinding, beautifully gruesome and just plain brilliant. These people are just top notch for some reason or another, but there are limits to our brilliance, and they could be imposed by God or maybe due to our own faults. Whatever the reason may be, this over exuberance must be tamed and controlled. Think of the Tower of Babel, where God knocked down the tower that the people of Babel were making to reach heaven. Could it be that God felt a bit threatened and had to destroy the tower or could it just be a mere reason of respect? Again, whatever it may be, this pattern seems to follow all great and brilliant people. One of my favorite quotes ever is from Ricardo Arjona "Todos los que han pensado como tu hoy estan boca arriba" rough translation? "All who have thought like you are now mouth up." Meaning? (I could really elaborate all day, but) basically it states that all those who thought like Jesus (and it could be any of them, not just Jesus, but in this instance, Jesus is the example for a visionary, innovator, intellectual, pacifist, healer, humanitarian, mysterious soul, brilliant) are now dead. Though it sounds rather plain and harsh, the real meaning is actually so beautiful, it is explaining how all the people (think about it) who have fought for their passionate causes were willing to die for it, and they really did. Then, and only then was their true brilliance exposed. Che Guevara, MLKJ, Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Malcolm X, Princess Diana, Jesus, etc and the rest of those obvious.
However there is another type of brilliance that fascinates and confuses me. It is the brilliance of the artist--the troubled, self-destructive artist. Jimi Hendrix, John Lennon, Janis Joplin, Freddy Mercury, Kurt Cobain, Ernest Hemingway, Edgar Allan Poe, William Shakespeare, Vincent Van Gogh, River Phoenix, Warhol, Tupac and the list goes on and on....
Similar to the other brilliant innovators , these people were of the most influential and visionary artists to ever live. They were always so brilliant with their work, and we always wonder how exactly they even thought up their work. There is something about them though, as if their brilliance had reached its epitome at such a young and fresh age that there was nowhere to go from there. Or maybe it is something more logical, like pressure? Could it be that they put all their effort to their early work and received so much glory from it that there was tremendous pressure to live up to and that subconsciously they were self-destructing in order not to deal with it? Or maybe it goes a bit further than that. The image/persona versus the real life thing. It is so incredibly easy to get lost in the abyss of the gray area. The crisis of identity, strawberry fields versus cheap hotel thrills.
Personally, I believe in choosing sides (and baby, our ego is so big) and these visionaries had to chose between the possibility of giving up or the reality of giving up. And they chose the reality.
RIP Heath Ledger.
blah blah blah...i get it in my head and cannot express it through some keys. This is bigger than life itself. Think about it! And I ask for forgiveness on behalf of the idiot "entertainment and corporate media" that instigates all the wrongdoing of the artist and then tries to spin the story. They are the true criminals, true sinners, true ones at fault. They are the children of evil. I hope they one day realize all the trouble they are causing to the artist, their children and mankind. And, really...not in the shallow way at all, but as one compassionate and emphatic human to another...leave Britney alone. When she truly is dead, I do not want to hear all the fake compassionate memoirs about what a great person she was and how they all wish they could have helped....you can! If not her, think of her children.
And if not of her and the children, think of all the other problems of the world. Focus on something that truly matters, like the high child mortality rate in Sri Lanka, the genocide in Darfur and Kenya, the high poverty rates in Latin and South America, the children of Palestine and Israel, the child prostitutes in the Philippines and all the tragedy that we were put on this earth to help fix. THAT is our ultimate purpose.
judge, judge, go ahead....(we all do)
I still believe in my purpose.
Find yours.
today? "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" the Heath Ledger version.
-melidee
