it's not over 'till the fat lady sings.

taking notes in macro

In theory, I want an older man; someone with more life experience, someone who can teach me things, someone I can look up to. I seem to attract older men; perhaps it is my tiny-ness, gross. Whatever it may be, I always tend to sabotage it between us. Why? because it theory it sounds good, you know? A serious and mature twenty-something-year-old. In reality, I want someone to make mistakes and learn what life is all about with.

my current obsession is my weight; everywhere I go I am reminded that I am no longer a size 1. That's really my new goal.
All I want to be is a size 1 and weight 95 pounds.I find myself questioning EVERYTHING I eat. I look at the calories and make sure it's not too exceeding. I find myself in binding situations where I have to eat what people are offering so I won't be rude, but really I have come to hate eating. That makes me slightly sad because I love food. I have always been those type of girls who believe that we should not restrict ourselves in what we want to eat as long as we are being rational and proportionate. I hate to say this, but I don't feel sympathy for overweight people (myself included). Unless it is genetic or a disease, I feel that obesity can be prevented as long as we are smart about the way we eat!
I know personally I've made many mistakes with food. I'm trying to overcome them. I still believe in damage control every so often. I don't recommend it to anyone else. I believe in exercise more than anything. Ever since I started working out I fit into my clothes way better and my stomach is getting fit. You wanna know the best part? Feeling my pelvic bone pop out and my rib cage start go show through. I'm politically incorrect, I know. Two words: Blair Waldorf.


am I weird for not using tampons or thongs?
I like myself.

why do guys like blow jobs so much?
it's dirty and unsanitary.

I watched Sex and the City tonight; I must admit that as a faithful fan of the show I was rather disappointed. It was cute and of course the clothes were amazing but it left me wanting more.





this is what finals does to a girl

okay, I guess I should go to bed now
I'm half delusional and will probably regret most of what I wrote.

lil' wayne 'lollipop' , duh

-melidee