"I have to lose my idols to find my voice" *

"Down by water's edge, under a dying tree
 I let my body slip, so dead inside of me" *

Voxtrot "Brother in Conflict" and "Ghost"*

-melidee 

Toda época fue pieza de un rompecabeza *

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I've always thought that the list below is one of the coolest things ever and my anthropology of economics professor recently brought it up in lecture. We are discussing marriage and offspring as major fitness maximizing economic decisions and the way in which the prestige bias of the successful elite has led to the recent "maladaptive" culture where children are no longer trendy; it is maladaptive because it will eventually lead to the end to our humanity (please, if the number of high school classmates with children is any indication, we'll be fine). Realistically, however, this is a legitimate concern for most of Europe which, of course, leads to tons of economic and migrations issues within itself. Anyway, I love that Charles Darwin actually made a ' Marry/ Not Marry ' pros & cons list. It comes directly from his journal which is why I love it. I am really into intuitive, spontaneous, gut-feeling decisions but when it comes to marriage and children this is exactly the way I think. The only difference is that personally I find the reasons to not marry (or not have children for that matter. Yes, I am maladapative) way more compelling (he obviously did not since he married his cousin). Enjoy!

Marry

Children (if it Please God)

Constant companion (and friend in old age) who will feel interested in one

Object to be beloved and played with. Better than a dog anyhow

Home, & someone to take care of house

Charms of music and female chit-chat

These things good for one’s health—but terrible loss of time

My God, it is intolerable to think of spending one’s whole life, like a neuter bee, working, working, and nothing after all—No, no, won’t do

Imagine living all one’s day solitary in smoky dirty London House

Only picture to yourself a nice soft wife on a sofa with good fire and books and music perhaps

Compare this vision with the dingy reality of Great Marlboro Street, London

Not Marry

Freedom to go where one liked

Choice of Society and little of it

Conversation of clever men at clubs

Not forced to visit relatives and bend in every trifle

Expense and anxiety of children

Perhaps quarrelling

Loss of Time

Cannot read in the evenings

Fatness and idleness

Anxiety and responsibility

Less money for books etc.

If many children forced to gain one’s bread (But then it is very bad for one’s health to work too much)

Perhaps my wife won’t like London; then the sentence is banishment and degradation into indolent, idle fool

PS one week until the Voxtrot show in SF. I'm taking my sister who, I'm pretty sure, has never listened to any of their songs so she'll help me keep my composure. Anyway, this review of the kickoff to the mini-farewell tour made me excited and a bit nervous. I hope the show is not a drag for them. 2 midterms, 1 twenty pager, and tons of Arabic HW stand between me and Voxtrot. Oh and it's my sister's birthday tomorrow. On my siblings birthdays I make a Kiva microloan in their honor. If you've never heard of it, check it out!

Silvio Rodriguez "El Mayor" *

-melidee

"I think I've been here before"

I know that I have been posting way too many Voxtrot related things lately but I suppose posting things that are of particular interest to me is what I'm supposed to do in my blog, so here it goes. As I was looking for the usual Voxtrot "Trouble" Youtube video I play at work (since Trouble is not on their Myspace or Facebook pages and since Pandora is random) I came across this video version I had never seen before. Simply put, I absolutely love it [I secretly watched it at work about three times before I felt guilty about not working, so continued to listen to it while doing general tasks around the office]. There is so much character to this video. I particularly like that it does not focus on Ramesh the entire time but rather on the environment. This is not to say that I believe this version is "better" than the original, it's just different. I know it's kind of unoriginal but "Trouble" has always been one of my favorite songs precisely because it has so much character, it's so vivid with imagery and wordplay, don't you think? It has this spunky, random, clever je ne sais quois spirit that always puts me in a good mood. 

So, I'd been having a relatively good couple of weeks, particularly regarding my senioritis, but yesterday I broke down. Of course, I decided to accompany my breakdown with Voxtrot as the soundtrack and, just like that, I had the most depressing night of the past two weeks. I ended up taking a night walk (It's finally Spring in Davis and absolutely beautiful) and through the purifying tears, I came to many realizations, including, how [lost and] lonely I am. The accompanying realization to this was that I am absolutely fine with it. I know, I know, everyone says this and as John Mayer says of his song "Perfectly Lonely", this is a feeling that lasts about as long as the song does, but, truly, I am. As Conor Oberst expresses in "Hit the Switch", this is how I feel 99% of the time: "I'm completely alone at a table of friends, I feel nothing for them-nothing, nothing!" I've never felt joy from being around people which is the primary reason I am so completely socially awkward, but I just cannot get myself to forge an appealing personality for the sake of friends. I just want to be a solitary soul, with Macbook and fingertips pen and paper in hand as the tools of a professional observer. Life is just too damn interesting, what else is there to do? Maybe one day, in a different context, I'll have a group of friends or something, but I just don't know. Anyway, lloré the entire walk home and felt absolutely cleansed-for the night at least. I truly believe that my life will always consist of this necessary depressing feeling, it's a sad life but it's the life I, foolishly, choose.

Today in Arabic class, I fell completely head-over-heels back in love with the language. I love analyzing and deconstructing the texts. If only I spoke it as well as I wrote it. It is written in the tea leaves & coffee grounds for me to relocate to a Middle Eastern country as soon as possible. Maybe life will seem a bit less senseless somewhere where the biggest cause of one's frustration is not something like terrible wireless signal (I'm so frustrated right now); maybe one day I'll be able to sentirme mas cerca a la especie humana, tan extraña para mi. Plus, life truly makes much more sense going from right to left, don't you agree? Enjoy!

see above

-melidee

"Midterming"

I saw this linked on the Voxtrot twitter and just had to share it. I'm glad I'm not the only crazy person (still) devastated by their break up. Anyway, thought I'd share it cause, pretty much:

Fails Of The Week: Justin Bieber, Tom Petty, Jenna Jameson, The Killers, Voxtrot 

By John Seaborn Gray, Friday, Apr. 23 2010 @ 6:15PM

Voxtrot breaking up: This one hurts most of all. Those of us waiting for a follow-up to their brilliant 2007 self-titled album will never see our hopes realized, as the catchy-as-hell Austin indie band are throwing in the towel. We're having a hard time thinking of jokes to crack about this, quite honestly.

Now we're just sad. You guys can't... you can't hang together for one more album? Please? God dammit, we've been waiting three years! Sigh. Oh well. Guess we'll just listen to "Firecracker" again and go eat worms, Voxtrot. Thanks for NOTHING.

via

On the bright side, less than a month until the farewell show

Okay back to studying for the second midterm of the day

Voxtrot "Firecracker"

-melidee